Twitter users will not survive the winter

If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. YThey wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

On it boss!!

[id: a set of 5 UNO cards upon which has been written, "Yes", "no", "I don't have a card for that", "can't talk right now 😢", and "I have powerful wizard magics 🙂". End id]

also "ough life-saving essential medical equipment uses so much plastic" in this country you can purchase an artificial ballsack for your pickup truck

To all the folks suggesting environmentally friendly materials for truck balls to be made from: I appreciate the spirit but you're missing the point a little bit

hi what did everyone have for dinner (or lunch or breakfast if ur in a different time zone. whatever ur last meal was)

you guys have delightfully strange palates

Hey. Gentiles. Listen up for a sec.

When September and October are nearing and you’re planning an event: google “Rosh Hashanah *year*” and *Yom Kippur *year*” and then, and I cannot stress this enough, don’t plan your event on those days. In fact, don’t plan any events starting sundown the night before. Those are the three most important days of the Jewish calendar, and, once again, I cannot stress enough how much this little bit of forethought and kindness will make every Jew you know cry tears of joy.

in 2023, the night before Rosh Hashanah is Thursday evening, September 14.

Rosh Hashanah ends Sunday evening, September 17.

calendar date

in 2023, the night before Yom Kippur is Saturday evening, September 23.

Yom Kippur ends Monday evening, September 25.

calendar date

i recently noticed that @ jetblackcode created a really interesting tool that lets you see your tumblr stats, one of which is a comparison between the number of notes you’ve gotten on all your posts to the entire userbase! so, i figured a fun reblog game would be to put in your blog and tag which color you got:

i’ve colored the buckets on the histogram so that it’s easier to tell where you landed on the graph rather than just using numbers ^_^

Wait, which series does Miles Morales first appear in? All these different series are so confusing

Ultimate Spider-Man, in the universe of the Ultimate imprint. It was the best of the Ultimate series.

Cool 👍

man, what the fuck

This is the most accurate post about getting into comic books I have ever seen.